The things you do as a mummy

I dreamed my whole house was clean

My inspiration for this post came after an incident last night. Jack woke in the night and I wanted to change his nappy before putting him back down. Now Jack hates with a passion a night/early morning nappy change as the changing mat is cold, plus milk is the only thing on his very hungry mind! So last night, thinking I’d be a nice mummy I put him in my side of the bed and started to change his nappy. I know what you’re thinking…

“Nooooo that’s only going to end in a disaster!”

You’re right it did.

Jack peed in the bed. He was actually in the bed too which means this wasn’t just a case of a duvet cover change. Oh no this meant a duvet cover change, a bottom sheet change and a wash down of the heated blanket that sits underneath. I did want to cry a little as it was in the middle of the night and I was tired – so tired that Pete or I did not have the energy to sort any of it out. So what did we do? Put a towel over the top and I slept on the towel. Yes, I know gross! And you know what it was in that one moment that I thought if I added up everything I do now I’m a mummy, my pre-baby self would have laughed and probably would have even been pretty grossed out. But the funny thing is, because it’s a baby, and he’s my baby, it’s odd something changes in you and sleeping on pee just seems ok. And before you mummies out there who are reading this and saying, “Oh my god I can’t believe she did that.” Don’t lie, I know you’ve done it!

Now don’t go getting any ideas that I’m some kind of unhygienic mummy who makes a habit of sleeping on pee – if Pete or I were to pee on my bed, I certainly would not be sleeping on the top of that! There’s just something about it being baby pee that makes it not seem that bad.  Now all this talk of pee, I promise I’ll stop. But here it is, I thought I’d treat you to my top things I never thought I’d say I do as a mummy…

  1. Baby sick

Baby sick had to be at number one, because if I held a baby before I had Jack and got sick down me I probably would have cringed and felt the urge to change my clothes and put them in the wash. However, I reckon more or less every day now I walk around with baby sick on my jeans or my jumper. Don’t worry I do actually wash my clothes, but picture this. You’ve just got ready knowing that the last fifteen minutes or so you’ve been on borrowed time as your baby is plain bored. You’ve spent the whole fifteen minutes rushing to get ready – you’ve slapped a bit of make up on, scrunched back your hair, pulled the first thing you can find out of your wardrobe, and your baby starts to have a grizzle. Knowing that your look for that day is just going to have to do, hot and bothered, you pick them up and they’re sick on you. Trust me you’re not going to risk the screams when you put your baby back down again to make them wait even more for you to get ready. Nope, you simply wipe yourself off and carry on as if nothing has happened.

  1. I’ll do anything to get Jack to nap…

Jack’s at the age where my days are revolved around nap times. I always try and make sure Jack has one nap of the day at home so he’s completely relaxed. The rest of my day is then spent working out whether he’ll have that next nap in the buggy, in the car seat or in my arms. Trust me, I never thought the word nap could be a negative word. I used to be the napping Queen. I was the pregnant woman on mat leave that had a two hour nap every day! If you’re in the ‘self-soothing’ stage, check out my previous post about mastering the art of self soothing, it’s sure to give you a smile.

Anyway back to the lengths I go to get Jack to take a nap – mum’s who have mastered the art of self-soothing you’re totes going to cringe:

  • Driving around and around and around – Jack sleeps quite well in the car and if I’m out and about I will often work my day around getting him into the car for his nap. I’ve been known to leave my house an hour earlier than needed to get to a destination just so Jack can sleep. If you find yourself stuck behind a very slow driver on the A34 with a baby in the back – that’s me. Think learner drive, but worse. I’m driving as slow as I can so it takes me a long time to get to my next destination. Trust me, you don’t want to get stuck behind me.
  • Napping trickery – if Jack can’t settle I often think if I pretend I’m asleep he will get the ‘game’ and join in. Now this one doesn’t always work of course, but it has been known to, hence why it’s still in my list of the things I do to get Jack to shut his eyes. I’ve been known to lie on the bed for half an hour pretending I’m asleep. The funny thing is by this time I am more or less asleep – but the good thing is so is Jack!
  • Rocking back and forth, back and forth – I recently discovered my friend’s rocking chair had a knack of getting Jack to drift off. Thanks Paula, I owe you! In that instant I went out and bought us a nursing chair. Once I’m on the chair and managed to get Jack to sleep, the only problem is I’m normally then stuck because as soon as I lift him he wakes up. I will stay sitting in that chair for 30 minutes (sometimes more) with no entertainment apart from watching a baby sleep. To be honest I do find that it’s great for thinking time. I’ll often sit there and say to myself, what do I need to think about…weirdo!
  1. Dribble-chops

Jack’s at the stage where all day, every day, all he does is dribble. The amount of dribble that comes out of him sometimes I think surely he’ll just dry up like a cactus?! I’ll always kiss a wet, slobbery cheek and some days I’ll go to kiss him, he turns his head with his mouth open, and yes you’ve guessed it I get dribble in my mouth. Nice!

Talking about dribble, very similar to baby sick, I’m dribbled on nearly every second of the day. I’ve often got one very wet shoulder too where Jack decides to have a suck on my top while I’m carrying him. Do I change? Don’t be silly, I just walk around with wet patches on my clothes.

He’s also started to like taking a sip of my water if I offer it to him. Yet to fully master drinking from a cup, my water will then more than likely end up with Jack’s milky slobber back in my glass – of course I continue to drink it (sorry, cringe).

  1. Give up my side of the bed

Anyone that knew Pete and I were expecting a baby would say:

“You both really like your sleep don’t you?”

Pete and I are that couple who are in bed by 9pm most nights. We’d often have a Sunday afternoon nap. And invites out to dinner would end by 10pm. Granny and Granddad or what?!

I honestly think this is why Pete and I struggled those first two weeks with hallucinations from exhaustion. We just cannot go without sleep. Well, that was until we had Jack.

When I was small I used to get into my mum and dad’s bed. They used to get frustrated and now I can see why – sorry Mum and Dad! Having your child sleeping next to you means there’s no way you’re going to sleep. When Jack wakes in the morning, anywhere between 4am – 6am, we’ve managed to get him to go back to sleep for another hour after a feed. However, what really varies is whether he can self-soothe himself back to sleep for this final hour. I’d say every week it’s 50/50. The times when it’s the latter 50 and he can’t get back to sleep I’ve got into the habit of putting him next to me. It goes like this…

  • Jack whacks and prods my face a few times with his wet, slobbery hands to confirm it’s me
  • He’ll then kick his legs around a bit
  • Have a little whinge
  • I stroke his head to calm him down
  • He then brings his baby milk breath face up to mine…
  • …and finally falls to sleep.
  • Now Jack’s asleep it’s my turn. Trying to switch your brain off at that time of the morning is hard!
  • Finally, I drift off…
  • It always feels that as soon as I’ve drifted off I’ve been woken by a foot prodding me in the side. By this point Jack has turned horizontal, taking up the entire middle of the bed with Pete and I balancing on the sides. Who knew a tiny little thing could take up so much of the bed?
  1. Hot food is overrated

Food is another thing that is big for me – especially breakfast! Pre-baby I’d get up for work two hours more than I had to just so I could spend time making my breakfast and leisurely eat it in front of the TV. If anything came between me and my porridge there would be trouble.

Now I can’t remember the day I ate my food slowly and quietly. Breakfast time now consists of me getting my breakfast and just as I start to eat it Jack has a moan to confirm he’s bored and it’s time to move onto the next ‘entertainment station’. I then wolf it down before it’s time to move on again. Or if we’re eating out for a meal and our food comes out, I can honestly say it doesn’t bother me to eat it cold anymore. I’ll either juggle and try to eat with one hand while holding Jack, or wait for the person I’m with to finish theirs so I can then eat mine.

The list really is endless and I could go on and on, but I’ll leave it there. I’m sure there are thousands of things us mummies do and it’s so right when people say you will do anything for your child. You really will – even if it totally grosses you out! But we love them and that’s why we do it. I know I’m not going to be kissing Jack’s wet, slobbery cheek forever, or rocking him to sleep on the chair for hours on end when he’s 16, so I look forward to looking back at this post in years to come with a smile.

If you’ve got anymore to give us all a giggle then please share them, I’d love to hear them!

Love me x

Oh and PS if you don’t already know I’ve got to the next stage of the UK Blog Awards (shameless plug). To be a finalist I need as many public votes as possible, so would LOVE you to vote for me. Simply click here to register your vote. Thank you!

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9 thoughts on “The things you do as a mummy

  1. Love this…I’m so a guilty towel sleeper too, constantly covered in one bodily fluid or another and my day is def timed around naps – he’s better in his cot now (and our social life has slowed down as people have returned to work) but for about the 1st 7 months I’d always time Ted’s sleeps with our trip home, then sit outside on the drive where I could pick up the wifi and chill out!! xx

      • Indeed! 🙂 It took us ages…only really from 8months+ did it start to get better – If Gina could see some of my earlier attempts and general weak mummyness she’d have been hysterics, either laughing or crying!! xx

  2. I love your posts, all are so true and could easily be about my own family life! My daughter is 2 and a half now and reading this takes me straight back, oh how my days were ruled by “the nap” – the despair I felt if it didn’t go as I’d planned it out! But, I can happily say our sleep is completely back and we even had one lie in until 10.50am!! Of course a day with a planned morning but hey ho. And, rest assured you won’t have dribble or sicky shoulders forever…that’ll soon be replaced with Peppa Pig stickers (as pointed out to me on a very rare shopping trip last week!)
    Your posts always make me smile and you are definitely not on your own! X

    • Oh Gemma this did make me smile re the Peppa Pig stickers! It also made me sigh with huge relief that nap times won’t dominate our days forever and I’m really looking forward to that 10.50am lie in!! Thank you for your kind comments. Any tips you have you know where to send them…to me!! Xxx

    • Ha ha Gina Ford would give us a right telling off! This weekend I made my husband ‘drive the long way home’ so Jack could get his nap quota. I dread to think about the amount of petrol being spent on getting baby to sleep 🙂 x thanks for following. I’m pleased I’ve found your blog too. I’ll certainly enjoy your posts x

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