It’s funny because from the time I embarked on my blog I never thought about how I’d really feel towards the end of my pregnancy. Now I don’t mean in terms of ailments, I kind of guessed I’d be feeling more tired, extra large, and uncomfortable. I mean more in emotional terms while waiting for due date.
Today I’ve officially reached my 37 week mark. It’s now that baby Dando is classed as full-term and if born would no longer be premature. I’m thrilled I’ve reached this milestone; if I went with the pattern of my family history I would have had our baby by now. But along with feeling pleased, I’m also feeling really rather impatient, frustrated, hormonal and constantly on edge. Call me naive but I guess I didn’t see these feelings coming. I always thought I’d be pretty upbeat right up until due date.
The reason I think behind all of this jitteriness? I’m not in control of D-day.
Working for the past ten years in high pressured jobs where organisation and time keeping skills to meet tight deadlines have been vital, to suddenly be met with a – “it can be any day now” – is just so hard to swallow. I like a plan. In fact I like a plan for my plan. You should see my diary and the lists dotted around the house. Even on maternity leave I’ve had a packed day by day, hour by hour plan. I just so wish I could put ‘go into labour’ and ‘have a baby’ into one of those lists and plans!
It got me thinking that this is the first time in my life (ok since being an adult) that I haven’t been able to plan for such a big event. Yes, I am planned and organised with all of the essentials ready for his arrival and with my hospital bag packed (which I might add was done at 32 weeks!). But I can’t actually plan for what day and what time the event will happen. For example I could wake up one morning and ‘it’ could happen. Or I could go to bed one night and ‘it’ could happen. Or I could even be standing in a queue in Next and ‘it’ could happen. Or what drives me even more crazy is I could get to due date and ‘it’ might not happen. I might throw it out there and go as far to say the waiting game could be the hardest part of my pregnant journey. Give me sickness, tiredness and cramps any day.
So for all of those mums-to-be out there who are planning freaks like me, I wanted to write this post to give you a little and gentle word of warning to prepare yourself for the lack of planning in your life that’s about to happen. The famous lyrics from Gary Barlow and Take That actually spring to mind: “Have a little patience…” Think this song might have to be my mantra for the next few weeks!
But as always, not to end on a down note, there is a positive to this negative – I could have a few more weeks, days or hours to get the jobs done that never get done, attend social events in my diary that I’ve provisionally accepted, and enjoy some more ‘pamper me’ time. I know that this will instantly make me feel more at ease. Why? Because jobs, events and appointments can be added to lists, diaries, and be planned for!
Love (a jittery) me xxx