With just four weeks to go until due date and being classed as ‘full-term’ at the end of this week I now officially know what people mean by ‘waddling’. Ask me at 12 weeks and I would’ve said I felt large, ask me at 20 weeks and I thought I was massive, but now I’d give anything to feel the ‘massive’ I felt at 20 weeks!
If you’re a mum-to-be or a mum then I’m sure, like me, you will be relying heavily on sites such as BabyCentre, Emma’s Diary and NCT to tell you what to expect each week. They tell you the nice stuff and ok some ailments you may discover, but what they don’t tell you is the taboo stuff that probably for them is just too crude to write about. After experiencing way too many odd things in my third trimester, the beauty of google, online forums and talking to other mum friends, has shown me that we all go through it. It makes me smile so much that all inhibitions about bodily functions go out of the window throughout pregnancy, so I wanted to write this lighthearted post to give you something to giggle about.
Here are just some of the things in the late stages of your third trimester that they don’t tell you. If you’re reading this and have more, feel free to add and give us a laugh…
1. Trying to do everyday things that involve bending such as putting your shoes on, pulling on your jeans, or picking something up off the floor, are the hardest tasks ever making you heavily huff and a puff. I mean who would have thought putting your knickers on could be so hard! And now that it’s sunny, trying to buckle up my sandals is just a no no. Think I might ask Granny to borrow her Grab Stick she uses to pull on her stockings.
2. They do tell you to expect to pee a lot, but what they don’t tell you is that you might be peeing every half an hour. My morning routine now involves going to the toilet, having a shower, then going to the toilet again, blow drying my hair, going to the toilet, getting dressed and then having one last toilet trip before leaving the house…and these are all just number one’s! One of my lowest points has got to be sneezing while doing my weekly shop in Aldi. Let’s just say I wish I was wearing one of the nappies I had just bought.
3. You think going up a size in knickers is a sad time in the second trimester, try going up another two in your third. Ouch!
4. Now us girls like to keep ourselves trim with shaved legs and a tidy bikini line. Only to my disgust I experienced what the saying ‘out of sight, out of mind’ really meant as I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror the other day. I instantly jumped in the shower with a mirror, shaving gel and a razor! Just want to say, sorry hubby, I can’t see down there anymore so how was I to know I had grown a full blown lawn?
5. You may have heard about sleepless nights in the final trimester, and ok, ok I know it’s probably – or definitely – going to get worse when baby is here. But every night I wake at 2am and can’t get back to sleep until 4am, or last night it even went to 5am. “What do you do in this time?” you might ask. Play Candy Crush Saga…trust me I’m getting pretty good.
6. You’re told to keep active, so I’ve been making an effort to walk a bit more. But what they don’t tell you is that you when you walk you feel like you have a head between your legs, or worse it feels like all of your insides and your baby are going to fall out. I guess this is where the term waddling comes in, as trust me walking with your legs lady-like together is just a pre-pregnant memory.
7. You will feel like you have an alien, not a cute baby, growing inside you. The kicks in the third trimester turn into more of a squirm, and your stomach protrudes out as baby decides to stretch his legs, arms, back etc. Just plain weird! The other morning I woke up and my stomach was such an odd shape – totally freaked me out.
8. You feel like a true Granny as each day can only involve one task and even that requires an afternoon nap. I walked to and from a coffee shop to meet a friend yesterday. As soon as I got home I had an urge to crawl into bed, and two hours later I woke up from a deep sleep. And don’t get me started on if people ask you to go out for the evening – staying out after 8pm? Sorry no chance.
9. My midwife will often say to me, “Labour can be any day now”, which means I’m constantly on the watch out for the signs such as a show or breaking waters. So when you’ve been sitting for a while and stand up and feel a bit wet down below your instant reaction is, “Oh have my waters broken?”, only to find that you’ve just got a bit sweaty or leaked a bit. Nice.
10. I used to hear pregnant women say they felt uncomfortable, and now I really know what they mean. Stand up and you feel like baby is going to fall out or you get an odd sensation down below as they turn their head. Sit down and you have a bum in the ribs so have to sit tilting back or to the side. Lie down and you either get kicks in the ribs (they may be small but is it me or do they already have ninja kicks?) or you feel like you have a bowling ball in your tummy so have to lie in the position that suits your baby – not you. “So what position is the most comfy?” you may ask. Well my only remaining option I guess is standing on my head. I haven’t tried that one yet, but I’ll let you know…
11. Braxton Hicks get a lot stronger and hurt – trust me the first few times this happens you’ll think you’re in labour! You soon realise that real contractions will actually be ten times worse. Looking forward to that then.
12. One word – crying. Just accept it and have a good cry.
13. And finally, ever heard of a perineal? No, I hadn’t either until the third trimester. It basically sits at the back end of your lady bits, between your vagina and bum. So if you get squeamish at the thought of touching yourself, get over it. You’re told to massage this area to prevent tearing. Enjoy.
Oh the joys us women have to go through to create a human being. But I have to say talking about the weird with other mums-to-be does make you look at the funny side, rather than get down about it all. And every day in this trimester I look forward to talking about the wonderful once our babies are here. To be fair by that point I’ll probably have leaking boobs to be dealing with, so maybe it will be more weird discussions with lots of wonderful thrown in.
Love me xxx
(3.5 weeks to go. Nearly at full-term. Hoorah!)