“I can’t wait.”
“I’m so excited.”
“I’m bursting I’m so happy!”
These are the words you would expect to come out of a mum-to-be’s mouth, and they have come out of mine hundreds of times over the past eight months. However, at the same time I have often been thinking, but not saying:
“Help, what am I doing?”
“Am I really ready for a life changing thing to happen?”
“How the hell am I going to cope looking after a baby?”
And more selfishly, “When am I going to get me time when there’s a baby relying on me 24/7?”
In the past couple of weeks while being on mat leave, and having a bit more time to think, I’ve opened up a bit more about the overwhelming anxiousness that sometimes runs through me, and guess what….I’ve found it’s actually pretty normal! So why do us mother’s to be feel like we can’t say it?
From the first day you find out you’re pregnant you ARE excited because you can’t believe you’ve managed to take the first step to creating a family. The next few months are then about doing everything you can to reach the 12 week mark, the second trimester you enjoy the ‘first time’ for everything like the kicks and the growing bump, however I feel nothing really prepares you for the third trimester. Yes, you’re nearly there and baby is well and truly on it’s way, so you should be over the moon, right?
What I’ve actually found is that in this trimester it’s all started to become really, really real.
There really is a real live human living inside me that’s getting bigger and bigger ready to come into the world. And yes, this is a real live baby that’s going to be looking up to me, and looking to me for support, for his whole and entire lifetime. This s##t just got really, really real! (Sorry mum I don’t swear, I promise!)
Now when saying these things out loud I do find it odd as my body’s been preparing for D-Day for the past 33 weeks and the growing bump is evidence that there’s a person in there. Also before we were expecting I so wanted a baby of our own to start our own little family. So, why now? Why did these thoughts not enter my head while we were ‘trying’, or in the first or second trimester?
If anyone is reading this thinking, ‘yes I feel this too’, then rest assured it’s all ok. I’ve been talking to various new mums over the past few weeks and when asked, “How are you feeling? You must be so excited?” I’ve openly replied, “To be honest I’m feeling quite scared.” The response I’ve been met with has been so reassuring and comforting from, “Oh don’t worry I was petrified,” to, “I remember feeling like that and couldn’t stop crying.” But the relief is…all of these women delivered healthy, beautiful babies, are great mums, and I know are so happy and so in love with their babies every single day!
So, if you’re getting close to your due date and have similar feelings, when next sat talking to friends, family, or other mums-to-be, go on address the elephant in the room. I promise it will make you feel a hell of a lot better!
Here are some tips that I’ve found in the past couple of weeks have helped to relieve some of the anxiousness:
1. Don’t make everything you do be about preparing for the baby. It can become very easy, especially when on mat leave, to feel like every hour has to be spent ‘getting ready’. I’ve started to read a normal (as in nothing to do with babies) book at night to fill my mind with other stuff that’s not baby related
2. Do something for you like go to the gym, go shopping (for you, not the baby!), see friends
3. When with friends or family, make sure you talk about something other than your baby. They have a life too and I’m sure they don’t just want to talk about the baby either!
4. Try and not make every conversation with your husband/partner be about the baby. Talk about the stuff you used to talk about before baby was even in the equation
Now I promised my blog posts would be light-hearted and fun, so I hope this doesn’t bring too much doom and gloom. But I did also promise my blog would be honest, and I felt I had to tell other mums-to-be just how I had been feeling if they also weren’t seeing things through rose-tinted glasses every single day, in the run up to the arrival of their baby.
All that said, along with the sudden moments of panic, I can also say hand on heart that…I can’t wait, I am super excited, and I am bursting I’m so happy!
Love me xxx
(6 ½ weeks to go until we meet baby Dando!)